I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
