Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
