I can't watch pbs sober anymore
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
