I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
