so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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