It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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