...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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