If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
