There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you win again, gameday.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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