That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I need to sanitize my soul.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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