I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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