You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
