you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
