So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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