We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
