I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
