There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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