What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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