My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
