I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
