Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
