I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
