He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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