i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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