...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
