At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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