I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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