John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
