we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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