What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
