My hand turned me down
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
