I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
