Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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