I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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