I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
