You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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