Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
