she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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