HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
