then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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