i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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