Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
