If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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