She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
