I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
