I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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