he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
