areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
