I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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