Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
